Dominic Lagan was born in 1952 on Callisto, one of the Galilean moons of Jupiter, during a secret CIA mission to parley with the Andromedean embassy. His mother was Araminta Tollemache-Featherstonehaugh-Tollemache-Psmith, the society astronaut. His father was L.A.G.A.N. an IBM 600 series beta-robot, since de-activated (which meant that Lagan was the first person able to buy his own father on eBay).
Lagan was educated privately by tutors (the legendary ‘Three Steins’ viz. Einstein; Wittgenstein and Nat Stein, a local greengrocer).
After winning the Nobel prize for Literature at the relatively early age of 11 ( for his brilliant post-modern essay: ‘What I dun on me holidays’) and teaching Delia Smith how to cook: he turned down the Vice Chancellorship at the newly opened Warwick University and the captaincy of Tottenham Hotspur, in order to train for the Tokyo Olympics. After donating his hoard of Gold Medals to the Great Ormond Street Hospital for Children, Lagan began writing.